Poetry
''Rejection is like nobody is homeYou are like a ghost All the friends are gone, nobody remembers you,you just arrived back at the coast
Someone new, reborn''
Section Title
Rejection
Rejection is a grief
That is only a belief
But takes your heartbeat like a thief
Nothing is soothing about it
The pain is painful, so shout it
Rejection is a desire
Revenge puts you on fire
To burn photographs of him,
To believe a lie such a grim
Rejection is like an ice-cream
Sweet but in your mouth become a scream
To hate, to cry, to murder the dream;
"You know - he rejected you."
Nothing remains the same
Your ceiling is closing in
It tells you he is to blame for it.
Rejection is like leftovers
Like secret drawers, you discover forgotten dried flowers
"He doesn't want you."
It feels like he flew and forgot you
Rejection is like nobody is home
You are like a ghost
All the friends are gone, nobody remembers you,
you just arrived back at the coast
Someone new, reborn
Winter
There is something mysterious about stormy winter nights.
Air is blowing in the square, and drops of rain are glowing on the street lights
Nowhere to be found, the cat is hiding somewhere away from his master's eyes
"Beware" voices in the night of the cuddling couple looking into the skies
Their fear of the storm's thunder breaks the silence. And in the dark, a child cries.
There is something marvellous when it snows in winter. Wind-beat brings the whitest snow.
As they peer out of the window at the tall trees, leaning, whispering low
Fear has brought the cat inside to curl on the sofa with the wood in the stove.
There is something majestic between the two lovers, this dark December night
Air is blowing fearfully outside, but it's their warmth that holds them tight
Their cat's still dozing next to the fire, devoid of fear or flight
As the two bodies gently catch fire, their kisses a delight
Their hands are traveling along their lines as they sink into the night.
Silence
Silence will be my communication
I am ready
I will shut my mouth
I have no duration
Or should I talk until I am silenced?
I will accept my fate
I have no past
I am forced to be a bait
I will never remember
I will wear a mask
Should I stay alive to provoke them?
They say, "I have no future if I have no past."
I am not a son
I am an outcast
I am none
How can you stop a mind from thinking?
I am just a tree
In a forest with scattered Leaves,
I am getting older, and I am getting free
There is life after fire
There is light after darkness
Now I can speak
Sex Date
It was just a night, a self-spend, free-of-charge sex date.
He came invited and knocked on the door
We went straight to bed. It wasn't a mistake
My body desired to explore, my mouth to taste more.
His glee was like a dream come true
In his eyes, I saw my reflection, not a rejection
His touch a soothing salve for my heart.
His kisses were like mines ready to explode
And me? I was unaware that I had a heart, feelings, or soul.
Maybe I had no other choice but to explode
Then, the end came, and once again, I shut the door,
On his way out, he said "goodbye."
I smiled, and loneliness came by
She settled like a boss in my house,
I shut my eyes;
Listened to the same old noise
From the main road.
Look At Me
Look at me. I am a brown rat, living alone in my hole, stealing food to survive.
My tail is a sinew, but my claws are strong to keep me alive.
But I am isolated and forgotten!
My body is moving around the wheel, stinking and shrinking, always rotten.
A middle-aged rat with gray hair, sad eyes, and four scuttling feet
I may have fallen; been trapped, yet still have a heartbeat
I need to find the power to stand up and the peace to move on.
I feel outraged for being trapped, and there is no new dawn.
Have you ever seen a shredded heart coming out from the catting machine?
Look at mine, which is beating, still silent and clean!
In a world of condemnation, love is obscene.
I have a mind filled with mean faces; buried near the stream.
Look at me; I am doomed, but I am still breathing! My rat parents are near
"He's not a normal rat," they whisper and leer.
If only they knew what enlightened rats can hear
Dear parents, look here! I cannot change. I am queer!
I have forgiveness to offer to all my enemies.
To hold my mother's hand and surrender my felonies
To look my father in his red rat eyes
To force him, compel him to hear my actual rat sighs
Look at me; I wish I was one of the liberated rats
Somewhere in the fields, far away from the cats
Where I could run and make fun of the mice in their flats
Holding hands with my sweetheart in an endless rat chat
The Man
He is a majestic man that I think I know.
His heart is locked, his mind flies though;
He will never notice me; I was never here
To try to steal his heart like a crow.
My mind makes him dear
I see so much beauty even though he's not here
Between his locked heart and my dangerous snake.
I'm soaring in love with my darkest fear
He approaches me, and I'm now awake
He asks, "are you sure you can kill the snake?"
As he fades, it's enough to make
Beauty grey into dull heartache
I miss him already, afraid to go to sleep,
What if he never comes, is never there to keep?
Or maybe he is dangerous and a creep,
I think he is dangerous and a creep.
My Mother
I, a fool in my age, for believing in you
Once, an embryo in your womb, I did belong to you
And not others
Now, I'm chasing around to have a sign, proof that you
Are my mother
Thank God, I was raised to abandon hope, and I grew
Without you.
I love, I care, I escaped and still - like a child –
I depend on you
Now questions flood in, every time I remember
You, not others
Instead of sweet moments, smiles, hugs, I was hurt
By my mother
I should remember you in love, but my memory is bruised
Dark bottle blue.
Your anger, your disappointment, your dreams for me
All flew
Leaving me on my own, to find my liberation,
My new.
Who said that sons are angels? They can be demons too
Their wings can be fire, and they will come, it is true.
What is your crime? You'll have your day in court too
Evidence will be presented; it wasn't all the crew
Mothers should love their sons;
I killed mine; that is true.
Homosexual lovers
We are dreamers. We
False believers. We
It's mostly sex. We
Who's next. We
Can find love. We
need true love. We
Illusion, intrusion. We
live a delusion. We
Strangers, lovers, We
Could be Partners. We
Commitment, fulfillment. We
Always in disagreement
Saint Neophytos
I am standing on the steps of the monastery.
Based on a massive rocky mountain.
Saint Neophytos lived his life up there in a humble cave.
He needed little, just some food and his faith.
He offered comfort to the poor.
Love to the sick. He was their Savior.
God is here, it's true!
I can feel Him in the air, touching my skin.
The breeze is soothing; it calms me down.
The silence of people makes the place peaceful.
My face captures its holiness,
the smells of nature caress me, I am smiling.
The bell rings loudly, breaking the silence.
The world becomes
sweet as the sun goes down.
God is everywhere!
All my senses take over me when I light the candle for someone I love.
The priests are saying the evening prayer.
This enlightenment opens my eyes and my heart.
I believe in miracles. Yes, I know I do!
I follow my shadow
Each morning when I wake up, I follow my shadow.
She is a dark shadow without eyes, without hands or legs or internal organs
I prepare the coffee, she is there. "I prefer this one, you know."
My hands are useless, especially in the morning,
So she holds the key as the coffee machine puffs the last drop.
When I am out in the street, I chase my shadow
It is not an engagement.
I always run to reach her, but I constantly fall on the pavement
She escapes me like a never-ending show
She dances over me like a Native Indian woman
in her Jingle Dress around the fire
At work, I follow my shadow into the conference room
She is always there to listen and carefully keep notes for me
When we come out, she goes to her cell. Boom, I am free
No people with me. Now, 16:30, I follow her out to the car
Our home is not too far
The night comes, and again I follow my shadow
Dinner is on the table, and here she comes again. "I don't like this! Why do you eat it?"
I put myself to bed, and she is next to me
"My dreams are mine, not yours," I tell her and finally slam the door. "Ha!"
And I keep the key hard in my hand
Black Angel
He is an angel with black wings
"Did you ever meet an angel like this?"
He has big brown eyes, like the old kings
His brain tumor is not a reason for desperation or tears
He has no fear of death for the rest of his years
He is smiling at you with that gentle, sweet smile
Knowing that every moment is like a Lilly on the Nile.
Walking this time is forever worthwhile
And you will walk with him for mile upon mile
So that the end, when it comes, will come with a smile
For him – and for you – in the high, hallowed aisle
Coloured Dreams
My dreams lately are coloured
I see lilac feathers and red flowers
I see myself flying over green fields
I can smell the blue of the seas
As I hold the keys for the future.
My dreams have music, I can hear
the Piano playing when I walk
barefoot in my apartment. I laugh, I know how
Noises or voices of unseen faces are
Covered.
Now I see colors in my dreams
My pain has ended now
I don’t suffer
My dreams lately are coloured
My black and white days are gone
I fly above the trees and make friends only
With a white gorgeous swan.
He is the only one who sees my dreams and follows
My route to carry on!
Lately my dreams have colours
I dance on the rainbow like a snow flake
Can you hear my sound?
Can you see my color?
Shallow lovers are saying their goodbyes
No one can hear my lies
My dreams lately have colours.
It means that there is hope, when I sent my last sad
letter in a white envelope.
I choose which route to take
The one with the dead end?
Or the other with the new start?
A street with colored flowers at the edges,
The dreams become sweet
I don’t feel the heat
I don’t cheat
I am free
I am ME.
My therapist said,
My therapist said: "stop caring for others, look after yourself."
He was a short fat man with a beard: "is he kidding me?" I said.
My whole life, I've done precisely; that ignored me.
Like a lonely car on the highway, slipping on thin treads.
My therapist said: "I am going to give you new meds."
He turned on the air conditioning. It was a hot day.
'Yeah, for six years, I've taken the same meds, and everything's been gray.
I'm a drug addict, feeling dizzy, counting the ends.
My therapist said: "stop following your shadow."
He was wearing the mask; I could only see his eyes.
I knew I didn't have any allies.
What could I say to that?
I was like a boat without a mooring, drifting against the flow.
My therapist said: "You need stability in your life."
He pointed his finger at me, trying to emphasize on me.
I thought I was out of my body, and I was living in a different mode.
"Isn't my wildlife that keeps me alive?"
As if I was a train on a broken railroad.
My therapist said: "you don't support yourself."
And I imagined I was holding a sharp knife, and I was sticking it on his heart.
As if I was a killer and I was tearing him apart.
Or maybe I was not the killer of my therapist but mostly of myself.
​A b a n d o n m e n t
A word of unspoken pain!
Battered heart, the edges frozen.
Another day of loneliness, of not being the chosen.
No communication, letters, phone calls.
Deep in a crowded city, surrounded by walls.
Once happiness was here, now it's more likely tears!
Nobody is close and deep inside me, fears.
More betrayal rejection, see
Emptiness, nothing to display.
Neglect being born from the single word "gay"!
Torn apart, asunder, a lover, a mother.